Morning After
by just-nikki
Summary: Seth isn't going to be Ryan's mistake. He hopes. Seth/Ryan


Title: Morning After

Pairing: Seth/Ryan

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Seth isn't going to by Ryan's mistake. He hopes. S/R Slash.

This story has been made possible by my wonder beta, abster1, and viewers like **you**! Your continued support makes such endeavors possible!

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Morning After

Perhaps they shouldn't have gotten drunk.

That's Ryan's first rational thought in about twenty minutes, so he goes with it. He voices it to Seth who only giggles and tries to take the bottle of vodka from Ryan's hand. He misses and instead knocks it from Ryan's grasp. He's holding Ryan's hand instead and he laughs.

Ryan's not laughing. The alcohol has made his vision blurry, but he's pretty sure he knows where he's aiming. He misses on his first try, but on his second he makes contact with Seth's lips. His drunk kisses are sloppy and Seth's equally inebriated kisses aren't any better.

Ryan's first thought upon waking up the following morning is, 'where am I?' He puts his head up to see where he is, and immediately puts it back down when his vision begins to spin. He can clearly tell now that he's in Seth's room, on Seth's bed.

- - -

The memories of the previous night are dull in his mind, but he knows there was kissing and he's positive that the only other person around was Seth.

Seth.

Ryan's second thought upon waking up is, 'shit'.

Beside him, Seth stirs and opens his eyes.

"Dude."

Ryan says nothing, but he can see Seth's brain working at maximum capability. He wonders if he should say something before Seth does, but he rationalizes instead. Seth is a pretty much a lightweight and since Ryan is so screwed up, maybe Seth doesn't even remember what happened the night before. He keeps his mouth shut.

"Dude, did we make out last night?"

"Um," and Ryan knows he sounds lame, but he's not sure what he should say. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure we did," he tries to sound nonchalant, like this sort of thing happens all the time. He pushes back the inner voice that tells him he wishes it did.

"But you kissed me."

And now Ryan really has nothing to say, because what do you say to that? He hopes Seth hasn't seen him drinking enough to realize he does not casually kiss people when drunk. He can feel Seth's eyes on him and he's pretty positive Seth knows what he's thinking.

He can't think of anything to say that will alleviate the current situation, so he does the next best thing. He leaves.

- - -

Ryan is pacing the pool house, listening to his stomach grumble. He knows he can't stay here forever and he'll have to face Seth eventually. He puts his hand on the doorknob and then, thinking better of it, takes it off again. He stands there for a moment before flinging the door open and walking rapidly towards the kitchen.

Seth looks up, surprised, as the kitchen door flies open and bangs against the wall. Ryan's standing there looking sort of lost. He shuts the door quietly and proceeds into the kitchen. Seth hands him a coffee mug already filled. He's obviously been sitting here waiting for Ryan to stop freaking out and come in.

Ryan knows, eventually, they'll talk about what happened last night. They can't _not_, because Seth is almost jumping out of his skin. Regardless, he's not going to breach the topic until he's eaten and had some coffee.

Seth eyes him, but says nothing. Ryan feels uncomfortable under his gaze. He feels like every move he makes is being scrutinized, as though Seth is trying to discern from how Ryan drinks his coffee whether or not he's gay.

Ryan takes a deep swallow and he knows Seth is never going to wait for him to eat breakfast (lunch?) before bringing 'it' up. In fact, he barely waits for Ryan to put down his half full coffee cup.

"So are we going to talk about this or what?"

"Or what?" Ryan offers weakly. He's got no explanation for what happened; well, he does. But he's not offering it.

Seth stares at him hard and Ryan's pretty sure Seth's trying to read his mind or communicate with him telepathically.

"Here's the thing, Seth…" Ryan is shocked because Seth just looks at him patiently. He's not going to interrupt, Ryan can already see that. But he stares at him with his big brown eyes that are so much like an adorably spoiled puppy and…

Ryan takes a deep breath. He can feel the blood rushing in his ears and his palms are sweaty. He tries to think about what to say and nothing comes to mind. He opens and his mouth and says, "It was a mistake."

The words fall out of his mouth and lay on the floor like a wet towel no one wants to pick up. Ryan tries not to see the disappointment in Seth's eyes.

"We were drunk. And, Seth. It was a mistake." He mumbles something about homework and retreats to the pool house again, leaving his appetite with his words.

- - -

Alone in his room, Seth tries to understand what just happened.

The word thuds dully in his head.

Mistake.

Mistake.

This was a mistake; he's a mistake.

He doesn't want to be Ryan's mistake.

Impulsively, he jumps off his bed and starts down the stairs.

- - -

Ryan's pacing again.

He's trying to wrap his mind around Seth's apparent disappointment at his declaration. He sighs, assuming that Seth was just hoping for some solace after his most recent break-up with Summer. He's simply- what was Marissa's therapist's word? Projecting. He's just projecting his feelings for Summer onto someone else.

Ryan is so deep in thought, he doesn't notice when the door opens quietly and Seth slips inside. He feels eyes on him and he knows the familiar feeling without ever looking up. When he does finally meet Seth's gaze, he's surprised at how obdurate he looks.

"I don't want to be your mistake."

"You're not a mistake, Seth. That. That was. It wasn't supposed to happen like that…"

"Like that?"

"At all."

"That's not what you said. You said 'like that.' So how was it supposed to happen, Ryan?"

"Seth, that's not. That's not what I meant," but Ryan's meek reply is lost in the air as Seth steps closer to him.

"How was it supposed to happen, Ryan?" Seth whispers as he leans in closer. Seth's arm wraps itself around Ryan's waist and pulls him nearer. He places his other hand on Ryan's chest and slowly slides it up until he's brushing his fingers against Ryan's cheek.

Their bodies are completely pressed against each other. "How was it supposed to happen?" Seth mumbles again. Ryan's throat is dry and closed and he can't talk, not that'd he'd know what to say, anyway. Ryan can feel Seth's heart pounding in his chest and he knows Seth's not nearly as confident as he sounds. Ryan is aching for contact, even though they couldn't possibly be any closer. Just as his will breaks and he leans in, Seth lets him go and steps back. Ryan stares at him, stunned.

"I won't be your mistake, Ryan," and Ryan recognizes the bright emotion in Seth's eyes because he knows it's mirrored in his own. Fear.

Ryan can't make words, he can't think, he can't breathe. He steps closer to Seth reaching one hand slowly to rest lightly on Seth's cheek.

"You're not my mistake," he says before he finally closes the distance between them. He kisses Seth softly, gently, to make him believe it.

And the words are unspoken between the two, but still acknowledged.

This was how it was supposed to happen.

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